10 Things Martha is Wrong About

Recently I posted about 10 Things I’ve Learned from Martha. I really have learned an amazing amount in the my year of Martha. However, I’ve also found that Martha is just wrong about some things.

1. Unsalted butter is not a must in baking. If you use salted butter, you just reduce or eliminate salt. Salted butter is not the end of the world.

2. You don’t need a P-Touch. Martha is mad about this label maker and puts the little printed labels on everything, even linen closet shelves. I’m all for organization, but this is just too crazy for me. I’m fine with a handwritten sticker if I need a label.

3. Crafting is not always easy if you have the right tools. Ok, I’ll agree it is easiER if you have the right tools, but there are some things I just cannot get my hands to do, no matter what tool I’m using.

4. Dogs should not wear Halloween costumes. They especially should not wear homemade Halloween costumes that require hours of work. They really don’t appreciate it. And it’s not like they can go trick or treating and bring home dog food.

5. Storing your extra china on a metal rack in the basement is possibly the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of. Martha keeps hers this way and touts it as the best way to store it. I don’t have to time to go dust my china. I like to keep it put away so I can just get it out and have it be clean and ready to go.

6. Gardening is not a must. I love tomatoes fresh from the vine, but I’d much rather shop at the farm stand and have free time not spent weeding. If I had an entire staff of gardeners, I would probably turn my backyard into a farm like Martha, but it’s not an option.

7. Green juice is disgusting. There, I said it. Martha is mad about this green vegetable juice she makes fresh each morning with her Mini Cooper sized juicer.   I’m happy to just eat vegetables instead.

8. Sleep is not boring. Martha says she sleeps maybe five hours a night because she finds it boring. I love sleep. I love waking up on weekend mornings and going back to sleep because I don’t have to get up. I even love a nice 30 minute nap once in a while.

9. I do not need a Xyron machine – a $100 crafting machine that puts adhesive on things for you. I know how to use a glue stick.

10. I still refuse to sift flour when I bake. She can’t make me do it!! I make it all in one bowl – cream the butter and sugar then dump in the dry ingredients. I’ve never had a problem with it. Sorry, Martha.

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27 Responses to 10 Things Martha is Wrong About

  1. Nancy Monson says:

    I gotta admit, Brette, this is even better than the 10 Things Martha is Right About post! I thing Martha is on the ball about a lot of things, but she makes it tough on the rest of us mere mortals (like only needing 5 hours of sleep a night. Most of us CANNOT get by on that). I’m very crafty and I admit projects don’t always turn out the way they should, even when I’ve bought all the right tools and assembled all the right materials. And after my lousy experience growing tomatoes this past season (can you say “blight?”), I’m off to the farmer’s market too. Thanks for this great post!

  2. I love #4. This is so true. While I’ve been tempted at times to dress my dogs up, you’re right, they don’t appreciate it. We just give them extra treats anyway. This year, especially, I hate to see so much money wasted on pet costumes when there are so many pets languishing in shelters and being put down due to the economy. If people want to do something “cute” for pets for Halloween, a donation to a shelter would go much further in making you feel good. 🙂

  3. I love this! I don’t have a basement or china so I have nothing to say about #5 but I will say that most recipes short the salt too much (maybe not that pie crust you made) and using salted butter often enhances what one is cooking. Also, poor Martha is just wrong about the need to sift flour–there have actually been studies done disproving that it has an effect. So, Brette, you win that argument with science to back you.

    I wish I could sleep better. I’ve been up with insomnia lately. I’d much rather be “bored” sleeping. Sleep is good for the body, mind, and soul.

    These lists are so much fun.

  4. marthaandme says:

    Whoo-hoo — didn’t know there were studies about sifting! Now I can pretend I don’t because of science instead of simple laziness!

  5. marthaandme says:

    That is an excellent point! Even if you don’t have money to donate, give them some old blankets. My daughter just ran a drive for this at school recently – it never would have occurred to me to donate that.

  6. marthaandme says:

    Thanks Nancy! Glad to know I’m not the only fool in the wilderness thinking these things:)

  7. Susan says:

    This is hilarious, Brette! I especially agree about #8. I need my sleep and numerous studies have confirmed that getting more sleep makes you more alert, improves your skin, etc.

  8. […] 10 Things Martha is Wrong About « Martha and Me marthaandme.wordpress.com/2009/10/ – view page – cached Recently I posted about 10 Things I’ve Learned from Martha. I really have learned an amazing amount in the my year of Martha. However, I’ve also found that Martha is just wrong about some things. — From the page […]

  9. Kerry Dexter says:

    Brette,
    you’re right, this is a great companion to your list of what you’ve learned from Martha. and about flour — well, I have a large bowl in which I let my bread rise and then I kned it *right in the bowl* why get flour all over anywhere else? works for me — and I expect that’s what these things on your list are. they work for Martha, but not so much for you. or for me.

    do you have plans for a year of Martha Two?

  10. marthaandme says:

    I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I’m thinking of scaling back. I can’t keep up the pace of Martha every day. But I do want to stay involved in all things Martha.

  11. I’m so glad you did this list to even things out. Those of you that like #4 should look at willmydoghateme.com The earlier posts were all about dressing your dog with hilarious pictures.
    As for flour sifting–I do it. I don’t understand the studies. You can see for yourself that sifted flour yields a different amount than unsifted, and therefore a lighter product–less, well, floury. But it depends on where you are getting your recipes, I guess. If it SAYS sifted, then you should sift, because otherwise you have too much flour. For the same reason, I spoon the flour into the measuring cup rather than scoop it. Old school, maybe, but I make the best pie crust ever.

  12. ReadyMom says:

    Ha! Your list just cracks me up. Thanks for putting a smile on my face. I didn’t know that Martha doesn’t believe in sleep. And I’m with you on refusing to sift flour! I have to disagree a bit with Vera, I’m much less precise with my flour measuring, then again, my pie crusts are often so-so.

  13. megan says:

    I agree with everything except the sifting. I used to feel the same way. Then I started sifting – but only when the recipe specifically calls for it. Now I am a firm believer – lighter, moister, end result. I actually just posted about this recently.

  14. Babette says:

    Agree: Times 10!!!! I don’t sift: I stir it up (okay. for light white cakes or angel food, you MIGHT see me sift…)

  15. Lyndsey says:

    You go girl!! I think you had to sift flour back in the day. I subsitute many things that she says is a must, and never did see any difference in the salted butter or not.

    IMO I think she makes things a little more complex than it needs to be and uses too many bowls!

    I must say I did learn how to fold fitted sheets from her, but I just couldn’t bring myself to label the shelves where they are stored.

    Not everyone has basements!

    This was fun, thanks!

  16. Great observations. Also, the idea of schlepping china up from the basement seems, well, a bit insane!

  17. Alisa Bowman says:

    OMG–I don’t even own a flour sifter. Really, she wants sifting? That’s so last century, isn’t it? And thanks for sticking up for the dogs. I’ve always felt sorry for the ones in costume.

  18. Brette, I love it!

    I’m with you on everything you listed, though I had no idea what a Xyron machine was until I read it here. Green juice? That just sounds completely horrid.

    Thanks for the laugh!

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  20. marthaandme says:

    On one episode of her show, Martha made the green juice and forced her guest to drink it. I don’t remember who it was, but she sort of shuddered and said it was “different’. Actually I think it was one of the Williams tennis sisters, but I’m not positive. It looked incredibly unpleasant.

    Although yesterday when she had Jimmy Fallon put his hand in a jar of live worms without telling him what they were was probably much meaner.

  21. marthaandme says:

    Last year we happened upon a dog trick or treating event in Alexandria Virginia a couple of weeks before Halloween. All those dogs in costumes – it was quite a sight, but the poor dogs looked so uncomfortable.

  22. marthaandme says:

    Ah, but Meredith if you have staff, then it makes perfect sense!!!

  23. marthaandme says:

    Thanks! I still can’t figure out the folding of the fitted sheet, but then we tried to do it from written instructions on her site. Maybe if I saw her do it I could replicate it! And I agree about the bowls. It becomes so insane.

  24. marthaandme says:

    Very interesting. I still am too lazy to do it I think though!

  25. Sleep is boring? WTF? I’d say those are my favorite hours of the day. 😉

  26. marthaandme says:

    Some days, the thought of going to bed is the only thing that gets me through the day!

  27. Kris says:

    Hysterical. Really.

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